Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am one with the molecules
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize