is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
