Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize