I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
