Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
