We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
