Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
