Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
