This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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