Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
