My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
