thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
