DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
