Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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