After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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