so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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