Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
