Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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