Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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