Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
