it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
