where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
