I don't think brook has ever known best
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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