fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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