I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
