i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
