How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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