upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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