Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
