My first STD was from a foam party
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
