This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
