I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
