Its about making memories worth repressing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to cum in my sink.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
