i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize