We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
