Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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