I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
