So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
