I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
