Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
