If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
