Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
