yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
