she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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