don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
