She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
