I would go down on you faster than GM stock
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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