I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
