Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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