i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
