I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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