Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will pee on everything he values.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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