One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I intend to get homeless drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
