I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
