id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
