if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
