she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
