im drinking this country out of the recession.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
