Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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