Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize