i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
