Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
