you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
