then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
