one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize