Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.

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(217): View more from Illinois

chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense

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(505): View more from New Mexico

My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.

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(310): View more from California

So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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(785): View more from Kansas

The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.

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