Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize