Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
