tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
