oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
