i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
