I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
where are my eyebrows?
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