She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
