I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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