That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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