"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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