If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
